How can I help my boyfriend to quit smoking?
September 26th, 2010
Its been a year since he is been trying to quit. He used to smoke a pack a day, now he smokes two or three cigaretts a day or some days he don’t smoke at all, but he still can’t achieve quiting and this is affecting our relationship big time now. What can I do ?
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every day he doesn’t smoke, give him a bj
Tell him how you feel about it and how it’s upsetting you and ask him whether he’s going to choose you or cigarettes.
Please don’t listen to the dumbass above me. Sexual acts shouldn’t be a “reward” it should be something you both want to do because you love each other, not some reward for not smoking. He’ll just smoke behind your back if you do that anyways. Also, giving him a guilt trip over “choosing you over cigerettes” will just make him feel like sh!t and make you a total control freaknot help. I think it’s really sweet you want to help your boyfriend quit smoking so I included this, I hope it helps you and good luck. The first site has stuff I didn’t post on the answer fyi.
http://www.wediditstory.com/
It can be hard to stand by and watch people you care about smoke, knowing the effect it’s having on them and those around them.
One message echoed by all of the sites in this section is that nagging someone to quit doesn’t work. You can, however, ban people from smoking in your home or car. It won’t stop them from smoking in other places, but it’s a start.
Smokers already know that smoking isn’t good for them. These sites suggest that you focus your arguments on how your loved ones’ quitting would affect you, not them.
Dulcinea’s Picks
The American Cancer Society has dos and don’ts for relatives and friends who are trying to help someone stop smoking. Suggestions include spending time with a person to help take his mind off quitting, and advice for dealing with slips and relapses. This site even gives advice if you’re a smoker supporting someone who is trying to quit.
You can gently encourage someone who smokes to quit. Think of your comments about smoking as only one event that moves that person toward quitting.
Start any discussion of quitting in a gentle way.
Let the person know why you want him or her to quit. Give the person reasons that are as important to him or her as they are to you. (Try “I want you to be with us for a long time” rather than “I’m tired of cleaning your dirty ashtrays.”)
One good way to begin is to mention a new treatment option you have heard or read about.
Make it short (less than 5 minutes).
Ask whether there is a way that you can help him or her quit.
Repeat your attempt every 6 to 12 months.
Helping someone who is quitting
Family and friends are a valuable source of support and motivation for a person who is trying to quit smoking. People who have already quit are an even greater source of comfort and can offer tips for success.
If a person who smokes asks for your support while trying to quit, you can:
Help distract him or her. Join in the activities he or she does to decrease the craving to smoke, such as lunchtime walks or hobbies.
Ignore grouchy moods. Try your best to tolerate any bad moods. They won’t last forever.
Provide a reward when he or she meets a goal or milestone without using tobacco.
Ask the person what he or she needs from you.
If you smoke, don’t smoke around the person who is trying to quit. Don’t offer a cigarette, even as a joke. Don’t leave your cigarettes where they will tempt the person to take one.
If you have quit smoking, talk often to the person about positive changes in your health and sense of well-being. Talk about the times when you found it most difficult not to smoke and what you did to get through those situations.
Helping someone who relapses
Most people try to quit smoking many times before they are successful. Don’t give up your efforts. If the person you care about fails to quit, you can:
Praise him or her for trying to quit, and for whatever length of time (days, weeks, or months) of not smoking.
Encourage him or her to try again. Don’t say “If you try again.” Say “When you try again.” Studies show that most people who don’t succeed in quitting will try again in the near future.
Encourage him or her to learn from the attempt. Things a person learns from a failed attempt to quit may help him or her be successful in a future attempt.
Suggest that he or she consider more intensive treatment when ready to try again.
Has he cut way back because you wanted him to quit or because he wants to quit? If he is doing this just for you then be happy with the zero to 3 cigs a day. If you are making this an issue to the point that it is effecting your relationship so badly, I hope you realize that you are creating major, unneeded stress which is, of course, a trigger to smoke.
It sounds as though, more than anything, he wants those couple of smokes a day to prove to himself that you have yet to completely castrate him and forced him to give up smoking ~ which is something he was most likely doing before you got together. It was ok then but is not now.
So long as he is smoking outside (if he isn’t he needs to start) and has cut back that drastically I suggest you leave it alone. He can buy a bag of suckers for the oral fixation, get gum or a patch for a nicotine fix. If he asks you for help then just be encouraging, don’t be judgemental or nagging.
If you hate smoking. Don’t date smokers. That’s just common sense.