Stop Smoking Help Blog

My Dad’s habits are causing me depression, please help?

Sounds a bit grim, i know but i feel the need to have a bit of insight.
Basically my Dad’s 59, an alcoholic and heavy smoker. He suffers from depression and mental issues. It’s left me hurt mentally and physically and once i finally thought things were getting better it’s all gone downhill. I’m 15 and ever since i can remember my dad has had a severe drinking problem, my 3 older brothers and mother have attempted to get him to help but he either refuses imediately or stops treatment and dishcharges himself so i don’t hold hope that he will stop. When i say he’s an alcoholic he’s not the sort to go out to the pub with his friends, to be frank he has no friends, he won’t make them, he’s quite solitary and after my mom divorced him 3 years ago he has had one girlfriend whom he broke up with yesterday and he hasn’t taken it well. He used to drink about a bottle of vodka a day, one of the big bottles , it’s always hard spirits, not mixed just straight and a lot of them. About a bottle a day for lord knows how long. He is Iranian and had stayed in Iran for a few months over the past year and he seemed to be sober most times we visited him, but he’s started drinking again and it’s really getting to me. He rang my mom last night crying ( a characteristic i have never seen!) and she could tell from his voice he was drunk, he asked her to go round but she’s now re married and wouldn’t risk it and they didn’t speak since, in fact even though we’ve attempted contacting him we’ve had no reply and with his depression im beggining to worry, he’s definitely not happy but we always try to visit him when possible and my brothers make the effort to talk to him a lot. But with no word from him and seeing as he’s living alone im worried :/
Anyway he smokes about 1 cigarette per 20 minutes…. so a whole lot! he wont quit that either, he’s tried… don’t answer saying ‘get him to see a …’ it’s not going to happen! He’s also had to have an operation recently on his throat so i’m guessing thats due to this habit but he hasnt told me anything.
This is starting to effect me though, at school i can’t concentrate, i just feel like crying or think about everything all the time. I feel depressed (have done for years) mainly due to his drinking which caused arguments with my parents, violent attacks, police visits to the home, my mom having an affair (which left me confused as to where i could put my trust) then the divorce, the death of my two uncles (one being my fathers brother causing him to drink more, these were also quite traumatic as i was very close to two) and my grandad and my dad having an injunction from coming near our hous. I experienced a lot of family arguments (some resulting in broken bones) frequently when i was young and normally screamed at them hoping they would stop, most nights spent crying myself to sleep. One night he was alone at his flat and my cousin (who is a GP) rang my brother saying my dad had rung saying he had liver disease, turns out he was in a poor state when my aunty, uncle and cousin (who had to travel 2 hours to get there) arrived but when they took him to the hospital it turned out he was lying, so we thought it could have been a way to get us prepared for him to take his own life if you get me?
Then i found out about my Moms affair which hurt, she still wont admit it was an affair even though it was me who found the texts. She then got married in Scotland behind my back which made the hurt deeper but i’ve started to get over it i guess. During this time i suffered from anxiety, i still think i have it but i don’t want to go to the doctors but my teacher is beginning to see im depressed, he’s asking to talk to me alone and claims my friends are worried about me but i’m not sure if i should? I don’t know what to say, i don’t want him to tell anyone, is it confidential? I haven’t really told anyone this much about me or my feelings but it’s all making me feel so down. Should i grin and bare it? I don’t want to go to counselling, i really don’t. But yeah with how he’s treating his body how long do you think he’s got left, i think he’s always been drinking a lot since he was about 25. It’s horrible for me to think like this but i feel it’s better if he were to pass on as it’s torture for him being alive, i know for a fact her really never will get over my mom, or his brothers death… his Dad also died when he was around 30. I also don’t want to talk to my Mom or brothers about it, i get embarrassed in a way or just avoid it so after a long time i feel talking to my teacher is alright but im not sure how much to tell, or should i do what ive done for the past 2 years when he’s asked me if im okay and simply answered ‘yes’ and if he’s kept me in i’ve just shrugged off his help and acted like a bit